HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI! (1965)

Star: Annette Funicello; Mickey Rooney; Brian Donleavy; Dwayne Hickman; and THE KINGSMEN

“How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” was the last in the American International Pictures long-running “Beach Party” series, which started with “Beach Party” starring Bob “Love That Bob!” Cummings.

The first film was sort of an adult sex comedy, but after its initial success, AIP decided to aim squarely at teens from then on and the next four pictures are ram-jam solidly packed with delinquents; biker gangs (lead by Harvey “Baron Von Zipper” Lembeck); rock-and-rollers (Dick Dale; The Kingsmen); and impatient, campy, slightly up-tight adults who are the butt of almost all the jokes and are generally portrayed as hypocritical, shallow morons.

Interestingly, “Wild Bikini” is the only series entry that actually is a Hollywood-style musical! The others feature a few off-handed musical interludes, w/Annette or Frankie warbling a tune or two here and there, but our film actually is structured like a musical and spotlights countless tunes sung by almost every member of the cast.


Another interesting facet of “Wild Bikini” is that the two “stars” have very little actual screen time in the movie! Frankie Avalon had other film commitments and filmed his few scenes on a distant set, while Annette was pregnant at the time and never wore a bathing suit throughout the entire film.

To overcompensate for this, the producers formulated a discombobulated plot involving Frankie being stationed on some far off Pacific Island (as if there were far-off Pacific Island bases once World War II ended!) and falling for an island girl while Annette is being wooed by sleazy, uxurious, and definitely frustrated (his bow tie is way, way, way too tight!) Dwayne “Dobie Gillis” Hickman. Hickman had made a post-TV career of filling in” for Frankie Avalon in several beach and teen flicks throughout the 1960s and was quite adept in his surrogate role.

As for the “plot,” uhhhhhhh---well, silent film comedy icon Buster Keaton plays an alcoholic witch doctor (this was when alcoholism was still funny) who’s been imbibing too much of his own home brew who agrees to transform sailor Frankie Avalon into a pelican so he can fly to Santa Monica Beach and watch over his girlfriend, Annette, whom he suspects of infidelity. Since Frankie, himself, is committing infidelity right and left, he figures that great minds think alike and, since he has an inquiring mind, he wants to know!

Meanwhile, Dwayne Hickman is trying to make Frankie’s suspicions come true but he’s dealing with some pretty heavy brush-offs from Annette. Hickman is a Hollywood ad guy working with executives Brian Donleavy (“Hangmen Also Die”) and Mickey Rooney to promote a beautiful bikini lady (whom Buster Keaton transformed from his beauty-challenged daughter) but the problem is that the lady keeps disappearing and the execs keep changing their minds and yelling at everyone. Donleavy seems perpetually chagrined and about to explode as “Big Deal” McPherson and Mickey Rooney, as his top gopher, is continually losing his pants. They all sing several tunes about Madison Ave and many of the songs are quite good.

As for the teens, John Ashley is doing his best Elvis imitation (even though Elvis was in a hard-core decline period by 1965!) and Annette tosses off a few well-written ballads but she doesn’t seem very into singing or being there! Annette is Edith Piaf, though, compared to Harvey Lembeck’s injudicial and horrible vocal on his “I’m The Boy Next Door.”

Part of the problem with the rock numbers is that all the singers are WAY, WAY, WAY TOO OLD! Annette and Frankie had long moved on from singing, and Ashley was about to move to The Phillipines where he would do a series of successful “Beast of Blood Island” style horror movies, while Lembeck looks to be pushing 40 hard enough to break it!

Enter The Kingsmen! At last, real rock’n’rollers! By 1965, The Kingsmen were riding high on the national charts with three Top 40 hits (“Louie, Louie;” “Money:” “Jolly Green Giant”) and three high-selling albums (Kingsmen Vols. I, II, and III). All their releases were on the black-owned Wand label, which also featured The Shirelles and Dionne Warwick. Additionally, The Kingsmen had cracked local NW and regional radio markets with their versions of “Little Latin Lupe Lu” and “Death Of An Angel” ).

The Kingsmen, originally stemming from Portland, but later working out of Tacoma, were the epitome of NW Rock and put on one of the best live shows of the mid-‘60s thanks to front man, Lynn Easton (he started out as the non-singing drummer. Is America a wonderful country, or what?); drummer Dick Peterson; guitarist Mike Mitchell; and organ player/guitarist/singer Barry Curtis.

These guys rocked and rocked hard! They pioneered a distinctive form of music that later became known as “Frat Rock” and is copied and continued by myriad bands to this day. But forget about labels, The Kingsmen played a savage NW hybrid of mid-‘60s rhythm and blues that was all business! They had some much needed excitement to our film!

From the moment that Harvey Lembeck commands, “Music!” ---The Kingsmen rock into an original composition titled “Give Her Lovin’!” OK, we’re not talking about lyrics by Lennon or McCartney here, but it’s still a peppy, hand-clapping shuffle/rocker and it’s catchy! The Kingsmen give a spirited and energetic performance and then they back Annette for her song, “Better Be Ready When Love Comes Swinging Along.” As opposed to many rock bands featured in teen movies of the time, The Kingsmen were at the very top of their game in terms of personnel, fame, and live appearances, and it shows. They totally deliver as the only real, working musicians in the movie!

The rest of the film is composed of a “sped-up” Keystone Cops style motorcycle race that features jerky, head-ache inducing photography and lasts almost ten minutes (though it easily feels like an hour!). “Wild Bikini” finishes with the cast singing “After The Party.” After the party many of them should consider buying reverse mortgages or pension plans! Nonetheless, “How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” is still the most enjoyable and traditional film in the Beach Party series and does feature a cute “cameo” appearance by the director’s rather famous wife (I think you’ll recognize her!).

Bring your board and wear your baggies and prepare to have fun at this last-of-the-genre beach-movie classic!