Gidrah
(C) 2007 by Prof Fred
Well he’s got three heads and he comes from Mars
To trash the earth but he won’t get far
“Cuz Godzilla and Mothra and Rodan, too,
Are gonna wrestle you up and make a mess of you!
Chorus: ‘Cuz two tiny ladies in pink sarongs
Are uniting all the monsters with their Mothra song!!!!
Now on Monster Island, it’s quiet today.
‘Cuz the monsters beat Gidrah and drove him away.
Godzilla punched him out, Rodan flapped his wings in his face,
And Mothra sprayed sticky stuff all over the place!
Chorus: “Cuz two tiny ladies in pink sarongs
Are uniting all the monsters with their Mothra song!!!!
MONSTER PARTY
(C) 2008 by Prof Fred
There’s a monster party in the mausoleum tonight
Ramshackle’s servin’ up goblin tunes all night!
Bela Lugosi will be doin’ The Bat
Lawrence Talbot’s gonna be there too
And once The Wolfman lets his hair down
There’s no telling what he’ll do!
There’s a monster party in the mausoleum tonight
Ramshackle’s servin’ up goblin tunes all night!
Wes Craven’s gonna be there
And Freddy Krueger, too.
And when The Mummy gets unwound,
There’s no telling what he’ll do!
There’s a monster party in the mausoleum tonight
Ramshackle’s servin’ up goblin tunes all night!
SNO-KING DRIVE-IN DUSK TO DAWN MONSTER SHOW!
(C) 2008 by Prof Fred
Come on, baby, now it’s time to go.
My engine’s runnin’ high and the lights are low
If we get there early, we can hear the band.
Those who aren’t hip will never understand
The scary chills and thrills we know
At the Sno-King Drive-In Disk To Dawn Monster Show!
We’ll arrive before dusk if we’re in luck.
Watchin’ Ramshackle rock from a flatbed truck!
If we get there early, we can hear the band.
Those who aren’t hip will never understand
The scary chills and thrills we know
At the Sno-King Drive-In Disk To Dawn Monster Show!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS! (1958)
Dir. by Jack Arnold
Star: Troy Donahue, Arthur Franz
Jack Arnold is clearly the pre-eminent Science Fiction film director of the 1950s. His work includes: “Creature From The Black Lagoon;” “Revenge of The Creature;” “This Island Earth;” “Tarantula;” “The Incredible Shrinking Man”---all directed between 1954 and 1957.
“Monster On The Campus” (1958) was the last Science Fiction film Arnold ever directed and that fact, alone, speaks volumes!
Unlike “The Creature” films; the fascinating make-up and gadgetry of “This Island Earth;” and the non-stop dizzying action of “Tarantula” and “Shrinking Man;” “Monster On The Campus” moves about as fast as my grandmother’s 1957 Buick and has some of the most embarrassingly overwrought and unintentionally funny acting and special effects ever to be included in the work of a major Hollywood director. Though Arnold continued directing movies (and predominantly television) for more than twenty years longer, he never again got near a science fiction film.
Arthur Franz, who died a few years ago at the ripe old age of 86, plays Professor Ronald Blake, a pioneering scientist who refuses to knuckle under to the conformity demanded by his 1950s academic lifestyle. He takes chances, rebels, and is disliked by almost everybody! When he orders a coelacanth (a primitive fish thought to be extinct) and starts examining it, some of the creatures blood falls on him and……..HE BECOMES A MONSTER! An extremely fakey, incoherent, and and unconvincing monster, but a monster nonetheless. The monster sort of looks like at.country singer Ryan Adams after he’s played 3 bad gigs in Fresno, drunk a 30 ounce economy-sized bottle of Extra-Strength Milk of Magnesia and not shaved in about three years!
Teen heart-throb Troy Donahue is Franz’ assistant and he’s totally excited and enthusiastic about conformity. It’s his bag! He’s got a neat girlfriend (though her ‘50s skirts and hairstyle is a bit frightening); a good part-time job; and he’s a happening unit! As far as Troy is concerned, long live conformity!
But The Monster soon starts terrorizing the campus and Troy’s ivory tower playhouse starts to get torn down. He needs to find the monster. Old Arthur Franz is also feeling the pressure of everyone hating him and decides to give up his grouchy ways and actually help capture the monster. Of course, he doesn’t know that HE IS THE MONSTER!
This all occurs in the first 15 minutes, so I’m not spoiling the movie, but I will go no further. Director Jack Arnold probably wishes he had done the same! No one’s motivation makes any sense, including why a major studio like Universal would finance celluloid garbage of this low-tide level.
The actors all look like they could have phoned in their performances, but, especially in keeping with the conformity theme we’ve been developing this quarter—the anemic and insipid acting (veteran bad ‘50s scientist-actor, Whit Bissel, virtually seems like Laurence Olivier compared to the rest of the cast) only further spotlights the vapid, uncreative atmosphere of this isolated and inarticulate academic world.
With all the subtlety of beating us over the head with a club, director Arnold drives home the fact that, due to his eccentricities and failure to “fit in,” Prof. Arthur Franz basically has to become a monster just to get anyone to listen to his scientific theories!
Of course, Franz’ theories are all pseudo-intellectual ca-ca and intellectually blow chunks, but that’s not the point! He shouldn't have to become a monster just to get peoples' attention.
Star: Troy Donahue, Arthur Franz
Jack Arnold is clearly the pre-eminent Science Fiction film director of the 1950s. His work includes: “Creature From The Black Lagoon;” “Revenge of The Creature;” “This Island Earth;” “Tarantula;” “The Incredible Shrinking Man”---all directed between 1954 and 1957.
“Monster On The Campus” (1958) was the last Science Fiction film Arnold ever directed and that fact, alone, speaks volumes!
Unlike “The Creature” films; the fascinating make-up and gadgetry of “This Island Earth;” and the non-stop dizzying action of “Tarantula” and “Shrinking Man;” “Monster On The Campus” moves about as fast as my grandmother’s 1957 Buick and has some of the most embarrassingly overwrought and unintentionally funny acting and special effects ever to be included in the work of a major Hollywood director. Though Arnold continued directing movies (and predominantly television) for more than twenty years longer, he never again got near a science fiction film.
Arthur Franz, who died a few years ago at the ripe old age of 86, plays Professor Ronald Blake, a pioneering scientist who refuses to knuckle under to the conformity demanded by his 1950s academic lifestyle. He takes chances, rebels, and is disliked by almost everybody! When he orders a coelacanth (a primitive fish thought to be extinct) and starts examining it, some of the creatures blood falls on him and……..HE BECOMES A MONSTER! An extremely fakey, incoherent, and and unconvincing monster, but a monster nonetheless. The monster sort of looks like at.country singer Ryan Adams after he’s played 3 bad gigs in Fresno, drunk a 30 ounce economy-sized bottle of Extra-Strength Milk of Magnesia and not shaved in about three years!
Teen heart-throb Troy Donahue is Franz’ assistant and he’s totally excited and enthusiastic about conformity. It’s his bag! He’s got a neat girlfriend (though her ‘50s skirts and hairstyle is a bit frightening); a good part-time job; and he’s a happening unit! As far as Troy is concerned, long live conformity!
But The Monster soon starts terrorizing the campus and Troy’s ivory tower playhouse starts to get torn down. He needs to find the monster. Old Arthur Franz is also feeling the pressure of everyone hating him and decides to give up his grouchy ways and actually help capture the monster. Of course, he doesn’t know that HE IS THE MONSTER!
This all occurs in the first 15 minutes, so I’m not spoiling the movie, but I will go no further. Director Jack Arnold probably wishes he had done the same! No one’s motivation makes any sense, including why a major studio like Universal would finance celluloid garbage of this low-tide level.
The actors all look like they could have phoned in their performances, but, especially in keeping with the conformity theme we’ve been developing this quarter—the anemic and insipid acting (veteran bad ‘50s scientist-actor, Whit Bissel, virtually seems like Laurence Olivier compared to the rest of the cast) only further spotlights the vapid, uncreative atmosphere of this isolated and inarticulate academic world.
With all the subtlety of beating us over the head with a club, director Arnold drives home the fact that, due to his eccentricities and failure to “fit in,” Prof. Arthur Franz basically has to become a monster just to get anyone to listen to his scientific theories!
Of course, Franz’ theories are all pseudo-intellectual ca-ca and intellectually blow chunks, but that’s not the point! He shouldn't have to become a monster just to get peoples' attention.
Monday, February 18, 2008
HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI! (1965)
Star: Annette Funicello; Mickey Rooney; Brian Donleavy; Dwayne Hickman; and THE KINGSMEN
“How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” was the last in the American International Pictures long-running “Beach Party” series, which started with “Beach Party” starring Bob “Love That Bob!” Cummings.
The first film was sort of an adult sex comedy, but after its initial success, AIP decided to aim squarely at teens from then on and the next four pictures are ram-jam solidly packed with delinquents; biker gangs (lead by Harvey “Baron Von Zipper” Lembeck); rock-and-rollers (Dick Dale; The Kingsmen); and impatient, campy, slightly up-tight adults who are the butt of almost all the jokes and are generally portrayed as hypocritical, shallow morons.
Interestingly, “Wild Bikini” is the only series entry that actually is a Hollywood-style musical! The others feature a few off-handed musical interludes, w/Annette or Frankie warbling a tune or two here and there, but our film actually is structured like a musical and spotlights countless tunes sung by almost every member of the cast.
Another interesting facet of “Wild Bikini” is that the two “stars” have very little actual screen time in the movie! Frankie Avalon had other film commitments and filmed his few scenes on a distant set, while Annette was pregnant at the time and never wore a bathing suit throughout the entire film.
To overcompensate for this, the producers formulated a discombobulated plot involving Frankie being stationed on some far off Pacific Island (as if there were far-off Pacific Island bases once World War II ended!) and falling for an island girl while Annette is being wooed by sleazy, uxurious, and definitely frustrated (his bow tie is way, way, way too tight!) Dwayne “Dobie Gillis” Hickman. Hickman had made a post-TV career of filling in” for Frankie Avalon in several beach and teen flicks throughout the 1960s and was quite adept in his surrogate role.
As for the “plot,” uhhhhhhh---well, silent film comedy icon Buster Keaton plays an alcoholic witch doctor (this was when alcoholism was still funny) who’s been imbibing too much of his own home brew who agrees to transform sailor Frankie Avalon into a pelican so he can fly to Santa Monica Beach and watch over his girlfriend, Annette, whom he suspects of infidelity. Since Frankie, himself, is committing infidelity right and left, he figures that great minds think alike and, since he has an inquiring mind, he wants to know!
Meanwhile, Dwayne Hickman is trying to make Frankie’s suspicions come true but he’s dealing with some pretty heavy brush-offs from Annette. Hickman is a Hollywood ad guy working with executives Brian Donleavy (“Hangmen Also Die”) and Mickey Rooney to promote a beautiful bikini lady (whom Buster Keaton transformed from his beauty-challenged daughter) but the problem is that the lady keeps disappearing and the execs keep changing their minds and yelling at everyone. Donleavy seems perpetually chagrined and about to explode as “Big Deal” McPherson and Mickey Rooney, as his top gopher, is continually losing his pants. They all sing several tunes about Madison Ave and many of the songs are quite good.
As for the teens, John Ashley is doing his best Elvis imitation (even though Elvis was in a hard-core decline period by 1965!) and Annette tosses off a few well-written ballads but she doesn’t seem very into singing or being there! Annette is Edith Piaf, though, compared to Harvey Lembeck’s injudicial and horrible vocal on his “I’m The Boy Next Door.”
Part of the problem with the rock numbers is that all the singers are WAY, WAY, WAY TOO OLD! Annette and Frankie had long moved on from singing, and Ashley was about to move to The Phillipines where he would do a series of successful “Beast of Blood Island” style horror movies, while Lembeck looks to be pushing 40 hard enough to break it!
Enter The Kingsmen! At last, real rock’n’rollers! By 1965, The Kingsmen were riding high on the national charts with three Top 40 hits (“Louie, Louie;” “Money:” “Jolly Green Giant”) and three high-selling albums (Kingsmen Vols. I, II, and III). All their releases were on the black-owned Wand label, which also featured The Shirelles and Dionne Warwick. Additionally, The Kingsmen had cracked local NW and regional radio markets with their versions of “Little Latin Lupe Lu” and “Death Of An Angel” ).
The Kingsmen, originally stemming from Portland, but later working out of Tacoma, were the epitome of NW Rock and put on one of the best live shows of the mid-‘60s thanks to front man, Lynn Easton (he started out as the non-singing drummer. Is America a wonderful country, or what?); drummer Dick Peterson; guitarist Mike Mitchell; and organ player/guitarist/singer Barry Curtis.
These guys rocked and rocked hard! They pioneered a distinctive form of music that later became known as “Frat Rock” and is copied and continued by myriad bands to this day. But forget about labels, The Kingsmen played a savage NW hybrid of mid-‘60s rhythm and blues that was all business! They had some much needed excitement to our film!
From the moment that Harvey Lembeck commands, “Music!” ---The Kingsmen rock into an original composition titled “Give Her Lovin’!” OK, we’re not talking about lyrics by Lennon or McCartney here, but it’s still a peppy, hand-clapping shuffle/rocker and it’s catchy! The Kingsmen give a spirited and energetic performance and then they back Annette for her song, “Better Be Ready When Love Comes Swinging Along.” As opposed to many rock bands featured in teen movies of the time, The Kingsmen were at the very top of their game in terms of personnel, fame, and live appearances, and it shows. They totally deliver as the only real, working musicians in the movie!
The rest of the film is composed of a “sped-up” Keystone Cops style motorcycle race that features jerky, head-ache inducing photography and lasts almost ten minutes (though it easily feels like an hour!). “Wild Bikini” finishes with the cast singing “After The Party.” After the party many of them should consider buying reverse mortgages or pension plans! Nonetheless, “How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” is still the most enjoyable and traditional film in the Beach Party series and does feature a cute “cameo” appearance by the director’s rather famous wife (I think you’ll recognize her!).
Bring your board and wear your baggies and prepare to have fun at this last-of-the-genre beach-movie classic!
“How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” was the last in the American International Pictures long-running “Beach Party” series, which started with “Beach Party” starring Bob “Love That Bob!” Cummings.
The first film was sort of an adult sex comedy, but after its initial success, AIP decided to aim squarely at teens from then on and the next four pictures are ram-jam solidly packed with delinquents; biker gangs (lead by Harvey “Baron Von Zipper” Lembeck); rock-and-rollers (Dick Dale; The Kingsmen); and impatient, campy, slightly up-tight adults who are the butt of almost all the jokes and are generally portrayed as hypocritical, shallow morons.
Interestingly, “Wild Bikini” is the only series entry that actually is a Hollywood-style musical! The others feature a few off-handed musical interludes, w/Annette or Frankie warbling a tune or two here and there, but our film actually is structured like a musical and spotlights countless tunes sung by almost every member of the cast.
Another interesting facet of “Wild Bikini” is that the two “stars” have very little actual screen time in the movie! Frankie Avalon had other film commitments and filmed his few scenes on a distant set, while Annette was pregnant at the time and never wore a bathing suit throughout the entire film.
To overcompensate for this, the producers formulated a discombobulated plot involving Frankie being stationed on some far off Pacific Island (as if there were far-off Pacific Island bases once World War II ended!) and falling for an island girl while Annette is being wooed by sleazy, uxurious, and definitely frustrated (his bow tie is way, way, way too tight!) Dwayne “Dobie Gillis” Hickman. Hickman had made a post-TV career of filling in” for Frankie Avalon in several beach and teen flicks throughout the 1960s and was quite adept in his surrogate role.
As for the “plot,” uhhhhhhh---well, silent film comedy icon Buster Keaton plays an alcoholic witch doctor (this was when alcoholism was still funny) who’s been imbibing too much of his own home brew who agrees to transform sailor Frankie Avalon into a pelican so he can fly to Santa Monica Beach and watch over his girlfriend, Annette, whom he suspects of infidelity. Since Frankie, himself, is committing infidelity right and left, he figures that great minds think alike and, since he has an inquiring mind, he wants to know!
Meanwhile, Dwayne Hickman is trying to make Frankie’s suspicions come true but he’s dealing with some pretty heavy brush-offs from Annette. Hickman is a Hollywood ad guy working with executives Brian Donleavy (“Hangmen Also Die”) and Mickey Rooney to promote a beautiful bikini lady (whom Buster Keaton transformed from his beauty-challenged daughter) but the problem is that the lady keeps disappearing and the execs keep changing their minds and yelling at everyone. Donleavy seems perpetually chagrined and about to explode as “Big Deal” McPherson and Mickey Rooney, as his top gopher, is continually losing his pants. They all sing several tunes about Madison Ave and many of the songs are quite good.
As for the teens, John Ashley is doing his best Elvis imitation (even though Elvis was in a hard-core decline period by 1965!) and Annette tosses off a few well-written ballads but she doesn’t seem very into singing or being there! Annette is Edith Piaf, though, compared to Harvey Lembeck’s injudicial and horrible vocal on his “I’m The Boy Next Door.”
Part of the problem with the rock numbers is that all the singers are WAY, WAY, WAY TOO OLD! Annette and Frankie had long moved on from singing, and Ashley was about to move to The Phillipines where he would do a series of successful “Beast of Blood Island” style horror movies, while Lembeck looks to be pushing 40 hard enough to break it!
Enter The Kingsmen! At last, real rock’n’rollers! By 1965, The Kingsmen were riding high on the national charts with three Top 40 hits (“Louie, Louie;” “Money:” “Jolly Green Giant”) and three high-selling albums (Kingsmen Vols. I, II, and III). All their releases were on the black-owned Wand label, which also featured The Shirelles and Dionne Warwick. Additionally, The Kingsmen had cracked local NW and regional radio markets with their versions of “Little Latin Lupe Lu” and “Death Of An Angel” ).
The Kingsmen, originally stemming from Portland, but later working out of Tacoma, were the epitome of NW Rock and put on one of the best live shows of the mid-‘60s thanks to front man, Lynn Easton (he started out as the non-singing drummer. Is America a wonderful country, or what?); drummer Dick Peterson; guitarist Mike Mitchell; and organ player/guitarist/singer Barry Curtis.
These guys rocked and rocked hard! They pioneered a distinctive form of music that later became known as “Frat Rock” and is copied and continued by myriad bands to this day. But forget about labels, The Kingsmen played a savage NW hybrid of mid-‘60s rhythm and blues that was all business! They had some much needed excitement to our film!
From the moment that Harvey Lembeck commands, “Music!” ---The Kingsmen rock into an original composition titled “Give Her Lovin’!” OK, we’re not talking about lyrics by Lennon or McCartney here, but it’s still a peppy, hand-clapping shuffle/rocker and it’s catchy! The Kingsmen give a spirited and energetic performance and then they back Annette for her song, “Better Be Ready When Love Comes Swinging Along.” As opposed to many rock bands featured in teen movies of the time, The Kingsmen were at the very top of their game in terms of personnel, fame, and live appearances, and it shows. They totally deliver as the only real, working musicians in the movie!
The rest of the film is composed of a “sped-up” Keystone Cops style motorcycle race that features jerky, head-ache inducing photography and lasts almost ten minutes (though it easily feels like an hour!). “Wild Bikini” finishes with the cast singing “After The Party.” After the party many of them should consider buying reverse mortgages or pension plans! Nonetheless, “How To Stuff A Wild Bikini” is still the most enjoyable and traditional film in the Beach Party series and does feature a cute “cameo” appearance by the director’s rather famous wife (I think you’ll recognize her!).
Bring your board and wear your baggies and prepare to have fun at this last-of-the-genre beach-movie classic!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT (1952)
Star: Thomas Mitchell; Boris Karloff; Barry Kroeger
Dir: Franklin J. Schaffner
(Original Shooting Script from Prof Fred’s Movie Marvels TV Show)
Hey students! Welcome back to Schlock Cinema 101, with me, your esteemed and dishonorable host, Prof. Fred Hopkins, and my assistant, Igor, and the entire Schlock Cinema Gang. We’re here to serve and have we come up with the cinematic lean cuisine of the day for you! Today’s offering is way, way, way off the menu! For insiders only!
Schlock Cinema, of course, specializes in the worst, most discombobulated B-movies ever made. We believe that these films have value because, unlike A-movies that play our local cine-plexes, B-movies aren’t conceived by studio accountants (“bean counters”) and gigantic corporate conglomerates who hire the director and stars as an afterthought.
No, B-movies are made outside the Hollywood studio system and are therefore free to express the opinions and theories and visions of their writers and directors. B-MOVIES CAN ACTUALLY TAKE A SIDE, EXPRESS AN OPINION AND MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT REAL ISSUES WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER ANYONE WILL BE OFFENDED OR WHETHER THEY WILL MAKE MONEY. That’s because not many people even watch B-movies and they’re not even expected to make much money.
The fact that B-movies are intended for small “niche” audiences, that they’re generally “genre” pictures (usually sci-fi or horror) has freed them from the mind-numbing and Machiavellian censorship and restraints of the Hollywood system. The fact that they’re small and unimportant is what makes B-movies big and important!
Anyway, B-movies come in all shapes and sizes and often, they are made for TV and shown for free—in the comfort of your own living room. In the early ‘50s, TV was conceived of as a copy of radio and thus, much of the programming in those early days consisted of one-hour dramatic programs (which were so popular on radio).
These were little mini-movies, with up-and-coming stars (Grace Kelly, Jackie Gleason) and more established stars whose careers were slowing down a bit. These shows were often named after their sponsors and they were essentially little mini-movies. Shot hurriedly on sound-stage sets, then quickly broadcast, these little B-movie masterpieces are now being re-issued and we’ve got a great one today---‘A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT.”
Made in 1952 as one episode of a four part “King Arthur” series for Studio One, a popular show at the time, this particular episode has two bizarre peculiarities.
The first is that it is “Kinescoped.” Kinescope-ing is the act of filming a show, then projecting it and video-taping for live TV broadcast. It was done in the mid-50s because the demand for material was so great that there wasn’t time to edit the film for a broadcast quality presentation, so it was merely projected on a screen (with little or no edits and cuts, with gaffes and blown lines intact) and then shot on live video cameras to be broadcast simultaneously. Kinescoped prints look weird to the modern viewer—that is, they look sort of “hollow” and “puffy” and like a nightmarishly failed attempt at 3D.
The second is that this program is directed by soon-to-be-great director/producer, Franklin J. Schaffner. Schaffner directed Papillon, Boys From Brazil; and Planet of the Apes, to name just a few.
For these two reasons, “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” soars over most other “revived and formerly lost” TV episodes. Another plus is that the story is marvelously staged, with good “theatrical” sets and Karloff is superb as the somewhat perplexed King Arthur, trying to deal with the Connecticut Yankee (Thomas Mitchell) setting up a telephone system in Camelot and all kinds of other late 19th Century gadgets.
Additionally, Barry Kroeger excells as the usurper Knight, who has banded with Merlin, to overthrow King Arthur. Mitchell and Karloff go through the familiar plot machinations of Mitchell getting hit on the head during a labor dispute and waking up in 5th Century Camelot and realizing that the essential goodness and innate wisdom of these primitive people is something we lack in our own times, and they’re both having so much fun that their enthusiasm is contagious.
The print has lighting problems and some out-of-focus moments, which were endemic to live television in the early ‘50s, but any visual drawbacks are easily outweighed by the obvious craftsmanship and tight pacing of this 50 minute classic.
OK, let’s get to our plot! After Thomas Mitchell establishes himself as “Sir Boss” by having the good fortune to predict a famous eclipse and totally freak all the medieval people out, he starts to building telephones and all kinds of modern conveniences for the good folk of Camelot.
He does though, precisely because of his supposed “magical” powers, really get Merlin the Magician hacked off! Merlin senses competition and he’s not into that! Merlin is wearing a ZZ Top-style beard with a stove-pipe hat. He sort of looks like Boxcar Willie after he’s had one too many brewskies at the local hobo camp!
But the good King Arthur (who, with is droopy, over-sized king’s robe sort of looks like the uncle of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas) likes Sir Boss, so Merlin plots with the usurper knight (who really wants to be a usurper king!) to get rid of both of them!
Our Yankee hero hears about the plot and gets right on the phone to sound the alert and stop King Arthur from riding into an ambush! OK, no spoilers!
Hey, how about a pop quiz question while you’re watching the first half of the movie? Here ‘tis:
“Thomas Mitchell was one of the stars of a beloved Frank Capra film where he plays a discombooberated and ditsy uncle who gets the star of the film in big trouble when he loses an important bank deposit.”
Name the movie, the date it came out, and give the name of the character played by Mitchell in the film.
Let’s start the movie! Igor, Roll ‘Em!
1st break (20 minutes into film—where Thomas Mitchell raises his hands in greeting to King Arthur and where he will tell him about the plot)
Wow! Is this a cool “interpretation” of the classic Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) story or what? Is this story in the actual novel? Who cares? Hollywood movies never follow the books anyway! Everybody knows that!
OK, the answer to our Pop Quiz is “It’s A Wonderful Life!; 1946; and Mitchell’s character was named “Uncle Bill Bailey.” Thomas Mitchell died in 1962 He was 70 years old.
Karloff, as great as he was, rarely possessed Bela Lugosi’s ability to turn even the funkiest, most pathetically low-budget creaker into something at least worth watching, but he’s never been better than in “A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur’s Court.” Boris seems relaxed and bemused throughout the production, even though he’s forced to wear an elementary school pageant king’s crown and
A thrift-shop king’s gown. His lines are silly and undemanding but that’s what makes them good and Karloff keeps things moving at a whirling pace.
Thomas Mitchell, as the Yankee, is obviously way, way, way too old for the role (as was Bing Crosby in the movie version) but hey, he was probably available and the price was right, so what the heck! Mitchell wears his fuddy-duddy sort of New England industrialist clothes well and makes the best of his dog-in-the-manger casting. He grumbles and gripes and gets surly and cantankerous—and a bit constipated—but he acquits himself well in the role. Unlike Bing Crosby, though, Mitchell never changes into King Arthur-era medieval clothing at any point in the show. Man, that tight fitting three piece suit has got to be smelling pretty funky after a month or two! No wonder Merlin doesn’t like him!
Hey, don’t let anyone downplay the importance of physical hygiene---it was as important then as it is now!
And we never see him brushing his teeth! That can cause halitosis, back-breath issues. If only someone could have left a bottle of green “Scope” in his locker, but of course neither lockers nor Scope had been invented yet!
OK, let’s get back to the show. But before we go, let’s do another pop quiz, just to keep your wits sharp!
In 1957, just two years after A Ct. Yankee, Karloff, like many other American actors, went to Italy to star in a movie. The film was an uncharacteristic crime thriller, concerning drugs and organized crime and, when it was released in America, Karloff’s voice had been dubbed into English by another actor, so you see Karloff but you hear some other actor’s voice! What is the name of that 1957 Boris Karloff film?
BACK TO THE MOVIE
Wow! Great ending, right? And you thought the novels of Mark Twain were tough going? Nonsense!
Did anyone get the answer to our trivia question?
The name of that uncharacteristic Karloff movie is “Island Monster” (Monstro dell’isola) and it’s so horrible I even want to see it again!
Let’s take a quick look into the careers of some of the careers of the other stars of “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.”
Berry Kroeger, who plays Sir Sagramore, had small roles in thousands of TV shows from the ‘50s through the ‘70s. He specialized in playing dislikeable heavies and minor villains in shows like Burke’s Law, Man From Uncle, Longstreet and many others. His last performance was in a WKRP in Cincinnati episode and he died in 1991.
Salem Ludwig (Merlin) was a New York theatrical actor who got heavily into early ‘50s television acting. He was blacklisted in 1957, but came back in in such classic films as The Mary Tyler Moore/George Peppard classic “What’s so Bad About Feeling Good?” (1968, a comedy about people that catch a “happiness” virus. They’re trying to spread it, the authorities are trying to stop them). Ludwig was the writer of that, and he had a part in the classic “I Love You, Alice B. Toklas” (1969). Ludwig died in 2007, but before doing so, he played Mr. Sperry, the nursing home room-mate of Laura Linny’s father in the off-beat independent drama, “The Savages.”
Everyone knows about the careers of Thomas Mitchell and Boris Karloff, as both were actors who started their careers in the early ‘30s and kept on going until their deaths. Both jumped heavily into TV in the 1950s when film roles got scarce for aging actors, but while Mitchell died in 1962, Karloff was able to resurrect his career as the king of the monsters in the 1960s by starring in a gaggle of quickly made horror pictures and beach movies, aimed for the drive-in crowd. These films were tremendously popular and introduced Karloff to the baby-boomer generation who embraced him as their own. He was a top-billed star until his death in 1969.
Dir: Franklin J. Schaffner
(Original Shooting Script from Prof Fred’s Movie Marvels TV Show)
Hey students! Welcome back to Schlock Cinema 101, with me, your esteemed and dishonorable host, Prof. Fred Hopkins, and my assistant, Igor, and the entire Schlock Cinema Gang. We’re here to serve and have we come up with the cinematic lean cuisine of the day for you! Today’s offering is way, way, way off the menu! For insiders only!
Schlock Cinema, of course, specializes in the worst, most discombobulated B-movies ever made. We believe that these films have value because, unlike A-movies that play our local cine-plexes, B-movies aren’t conceived by studio accountants (“bean counters”) and gigantic corporate conglomerates who hire the director and stars as an afterthought.
No, B-movies are made outside the Hollywood studio system and are therefore free to express the opinions and theories and visions of their writers and directors. B-MOVIES CAN ACTUALLY TAKE A SIDE, EXPRESS AN OPINION AND MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT REAL ISSUES WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER ANYONE WILL BE OFFENDED OR WHETHER THEY WILL MAKE MONEY. That’s because not many people even watch B-movies and they’re not even expected to make much money.
The fact that B-movies are intended for small “niche” audiences, that they’re generally “genre” pictures (usually sci-fi or horror) has freed them from the mind-numbing and Machiavellian censorship and restraints of the Hollywood system. The fact that they’re small and unimportant is what makes B-movies big and important!
Anyway, B-movies come in all shapes and sizes and often, they are made for TV and shown for free—in the comfort of your own living room. In the early ‘50s, TV was conceived of as a copy of radio and thus, much of the programming in those early days consisted of one-hour dramatic programs (which were so popular on radio).
These were little mini-movies, with up-and-coming stars (Grace Kelly, Jackie Gleason) and more established stars whose careers were slowing down a bit. These shows were often named after their sponsors and they were essentially little mini-movies. Shot hurriedly on sound-stage sets, then quickly broadcast, these little B-movie masterpieces are now being re-issued and we’ve got a great one today---‘A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT.”
Made in 1952 as one episode of a four part “King Arthur” series for Studio One, a popular show at the time, this particular episode has two bizarre peculiarities.
The first is that it is “Kinescoped.” Kinescope-ing is the act of filming a show, then projecting it and video-taping for live TV broadcast. It was done in the mid-50s because the demand for material was so great that there wasn’t time to edit the film for a broadcast quality presentation, so it was merely projected on a screen (with little or no edits and cuts, with gaffes and blown lines intact) and then shot on live video cameras to be broadcast simultaneously. Kinescoped prints look weird to the modern viewer—that is, they look sort of “hollow” and “puffy” and like a nightmarishly failed attempt at 3D.
The second is that this program is directed by soon-to-be-great director/producer, Franklin J. Schaffner. Schaffner directed Papillon, Boys From Brazil; and Planet of the Apes, to name just a few.
For these two reasons, “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” soars over most other “revived and formerly lost” TV episodes. Another plus is that the story is marvelously staged, with good “theatrical” sets and Karloff is superb as the somewhat perplexed King Arthur, trying to deal with the Connecticut Yankee (Thomas Mitchell) setting up a telephone system in Camelot and all kinds of other late 19th Century gadgets.
Additionally, Barry Kroeger excells as the usurper Knight, who has banded with Merlin, to overthrow King Arthur. Mitchell and Karloff go through the familiar plot machinations of Mitchell getting hit on the head during a labor dispute and waking up in 5th Century Camelot and realizing that the essential goodness and innate wisdom of these primitive people is something we lack in our own times, and they’re both having so much fun that their enthusiasm is contagious.
The print has lighting problems and some out-of-focus moments, which were endemic to live television in the early ‘50s, but any visual drawbacks are easily outweighed by the obvious craftsmanship and tight pacing of this 50 minute classic.
OK, let’s get to our plot! After Thomas Mitchell establishes himself as “Sir Boss” by having the good fortune to predict a famous eclipse and totally freak all the medieval people out, he starts to building telephones and all kinds of modern conveniences for the good folk of Camelot.
He does though, precisely because of his supposed “magical” powers, really get Merlin the Magician hacked off! Merlin senses competition and he’s not into that! Merlin is wearing a ZZ Top-style beard with a stove-pipe hat. He sort of looks like Boxcar Willie after he’s had one too many brewskies at the local hobo camp!
But the good King Arthur (who, with is droopy, over-sized king’s robe sort of looks like the uncle of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas) likes Sir Boss, so Merlin plots with the usurper knight (who really wants to be a usurper king!) to get rid of both of them!
Our Yankee hero hears about the plot and gets right on the phone to sound the alert and stop King Arthur from riding into an ambush! OK, no spoilers!
Hey, how about a pop quiz question while you’re watching the first half of the movie? Here ‘tis:
“Thomas Mitchell was one of the stars of a beloved Frank Capra film where he plays a discombooberated and ditsy uncle who gets the star of the film in big trouble when he loses an important bank deposit.”
Name the movie, the date it came out, and give the name of the character played by Mitchell in the film.
Let’s start the movie! Igor, Roll ‘Em!
1st break (20 minutes into film—where Thomas Mitchell raises his hands in greeting to King Arthur and where he will tell him about the plot)
Wow! Is this a cool “interpretation” of the classic Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) story or what? Is this story in the actual novel? Who cares? Hollywood movies never follow the books anyway! Everybody knows that!
OK, the answer to our Pop Quiz is “It’s A Wonderful Life!; 1946; and Mitchell’s character was named “Uncle Bill Bailey.” Thomas Mitchell died in 1962 He was 70 years old.
Karloff, as great as he was, rarely possessed Bela Lugosi’s ability to turn even the funkiest, most pathetically low-budget creaker into something at least worth watching, but he’s never been better than in “A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur’s Court.” Boris seems relaxed and bemused throughout the production, even though he’s forced to wear an elementary school pageant king’s crown and
A thrift-shop king’s gown. His lines are silly and undemanding but that’s what makes them good and Karloff keeps things moving at a whirling pace.
Thomas Mitchell, as the Yankee, is obviously way, way, way too old for the role (as was Bing Crosby in the movie version) but hey, he was probably available and the price was right, so what the heck! Mitchell wears his fuddy-duddy sort of New England industrialist clothes well and makes the best of his dog-in-the-manger casting. He grumbles and gripes and gets surly and cantankerous—and a bit constipated—but he acquits himself well in the role. Unlike Bing Crosby, though, Mitchell never changes into King Arthur-era medieval clothing at any point in the show. Man, that tight fitting three piece suit has got to be smelling pretty funky after a month or two! No wonder Merlin doesn’t like him!
Hey, don’t let anyone downplay the importance of physical hygiene---it was as important then as it is now!
And we never see him brushing his teeth! That can cause halitosis, back-breath issues. If only someone could have left a bottle of green “Scope” in his locker, but of course neither lockers nor Scope had been invented yet!
OK, let’s get back to the show. But before we go, let’s do another pop quiz, just to keep your wits sharp!
In 1957, just two years after A Ct. Yankee, Karloff, like many other American actors, went to Italy to star in a movie. The film was an uncharacteristic crime thriller, concerning drugs and organized crime and, when it was released in America, Karloff’s voice had been dubbed into English by another actor, so you see Karloff but you hear some other actor’s voice! What is the name of that 1957 Boris Karloff film?
BACK TO THE MOVIE
Wow! Great ending, right? And you thought the novels of Mark Twain were tough going? Nonsense!
Did anyone get the answer to our trivia question?
The name of that uncharacteristic Karloff movie is “Island Monster” (Monstro dell’isola) and it’s so horrible I even want to see it again!
Let’s take a quick look into the careers of some of the careers of the other stars of “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.”
Berry Kroeger, who plays Sir Sagramore, had small roles in thousands of TV shows from the ‘50s through the ‘70s. He specialized in playing dislikeable heavies and minor villains in shows like Burke’s Law, Man From Uncle, Longstreet and many others. His last performance was in a WKRP in Cincinnati episode and he died in 1991.
Salem Ludwig (Merlin) was a New York theatrical actor who got heavily into early ‘50s television acting. He was blacklisted in 1957, but came back in in such classic films as The Mary Tyler Moore/George Peppard classic “What’s so Bad About Feeling Good?” (1968, a comedy about people that catch a “happiness” virus. They’re trying to spread it, the authorities are trying to stop them). Ludwig was the writer of that, and he had a part in the classic “I Love You, Alice B. Toklas” (1969). Ludwig died in 2007, but before doing so, he played Mr. Sperry, the nursing home room-mate of Laura Linny’s father in the off-beat independent drama, “The Savages.”
Everyone knows about the careers of Thomas Mitchell and Boris Karloff, as both were actors who started their careers in the early ‘30s and kept on going until their deaths. Both jumped heavily into TV in the 1950s when film roles got scarce for aging actors, but while Mitchell died in 1962, Karloff was able to resurrect his career as the king of the monsters in the 1960s by starring in a gaggle of quickly made horror pictures and beach movies, aimed for the drive-in crowd. These films were tremendously popular and introduced Karloff to the baby-boomer generation who embraced him as their own. He was a top-billed star until his death in 1969.
Friday, January 4, 2008
The Million Dollar Kid (1944)
ORIGINAL SHOOTING SCRIPT FOR
“THE MILLION DOLLAR KID”
PROF FRED’S MOVIE MARVELS,
SCCTV, 1-3-08
Hey students, auditors, and just plain fans of the weird, arcane and obscure in that cinematic ultra cheap carnival grab-bag known as “B-Movies!” It is I, Prof. Fred Hopkins, your teacher (“maestro” in Spanish; “professeur” in French) for Schlock Cinema 101! For today’s class, we have that rarest and most precious of all things---A good “East Side Kids” movie!
Yes, you heard me right. “Million Dollar Kid,” made in 1944, by the infamous Monogram Studios, and starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall, is entertaining, well-directed, smartly acted and has bountiful production values---NOT!!!!!! Did you really think we’d show a “good” movie for our Schlock Cinema 101 class? You know me too well.
But the film does have a certain primitive, almost-no-budget enthusiasm that literally carries it into the pantheon of so-awful-it’s-wonderful.
An added bonus is that most of the East Side Kids had not yet become grandfathers at the time this was made! With Gorcey being 21 and Hall being somewhere around that age. Of course, they were supposed to be playing 11-12 year-olds, but no one gave a rip back then, so why should we question it now?
OK, let’s do a quick history review. Everyone who was watching TV in the 1950’s and 1960’s remembers the East Side Kids (a/k/a The Dead End Kids a/k/a The Bowery Boys). There are no exceptions, because these totally cheap, throw-away, Grade Z, 65 minute movies were the absolute staple of Saturday afternoon programming on every TV set in America.
A typical baby-boomer, boob-tube zombie would start the early afternoon with an old Tarzan movie; then view an unreleased Italian Sword-and Sandal movie (usually dubbed “The Sons of Hercules” even though none of the characters were called Hercules or bore the slightest relation to the Hercules myth); and then his or her local channel would finish the late afternoon with an East Side Kids comedy, starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall (usually named Mugs and Slip in the films).
America was a simpler place back then---no drugs, no crime, no graffiti—just Tarzan, Hercules and The Bowery Boys—then go to McDonalds for a 14 cent hamburger and 10 cent shake, go to a go-cart track or a trampoline park and drive or bounce for an hour for 60 cents, and go home. It has never really gotten any better than that.
OK, in the 1950s and 1960s, American television was faced with a shortage of material to broadcast. Hollywood simply could not film enough “stuff” to fill that little one-eyed screen from 6AM (right after the “Farm Report”—remember we were an agrarian country back then) to 12 midnight, when broadcasting ended for the day.
So, someone came up with the brilliant idea of broadcasting old, funky, cheap “B” movie series, whose rights could be purchased for almost nothing, and showing them at the same time every Saturday to little babyboomers who didn’t realize that the films were almost 25 years old. Guess what, it worked!
God bless America, because these movies attracted a crowd of kids who spent every Saturday afternoon watching these “East Side Kids” movies and who actually liked them!
Here’s where we’re going with Kid Millions. Mugs and Slip and the boys help foil a mugging of this rich guy and get his wallet back, but the local police captain, using poverty profiling, thinks The Dead End Kids are in on it. The Rich Guy gets them off and brings them to his mansion where he gives them free reign and use of his gigantic in-house gymnasium! Mugs then meets the rich guy’s daughter, who’s dating a sleazy French guy, and here comes trouble!!!
Enough boring cinematic history and enough of Prof. Fred’s “leaky” and “highly selective” nostalgia for the pseudo-good-old-days! Let’s start our Schlock Cinema 101 classroom presentation of The East Side Kids in “Kid Millions,” from 1944, starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall! START MOVIE
#1 BREAK
Hey, I hate to break in on this exciting and wondrous cinematic masterpiece, but that’s what they pay me for! And you can bet I’m gonna keep on doing it, students!
Wow, Louise! What a babe---‘40s style! Muggs is in love! And he and the boys have just been given their own private basement gymnasium. Does it really ever get any better than that? But, watch out, because trouble is definitely brewing!
How about a little more gratuitous information about the history of our heroes, The East Side Kids?
OK, The East Side Kids originally started in 1937 when Metro Goldwyn Mayer decided to make a film adapted from “Dead End,” a popular and gritty Broadway play about young urchins growing up in the streets of New York. The movie starred Joel McCrae, Sylvia Sydney, and Humphrey Bogart. For the other roles, the actors from the play were hired, and this included Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, Bobby Jordan and Gabe Del, who had played the tough, scruffy young slum kids.
These young actors were then imported to Hollywood to star in the movie, which was a smash. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only smash. At the end of filming, Gorcey (who had been a 21-year-old plumber’s assistant before turning actor), Hall and the other “boys” (now in their mid- ‘20s) got a little excited—a little bit frisky-- and trashed an entire studio, ruining an expensive sound stage.
The Dead End Kids (as they were then called) were promptly fired from MGM—and never worked for the studio again. Ooooooh, that’s what I call an extremely bad start for these actors’ careers (even by Prof Fred standards, and those are awfully low), but they were as Teflon as Teflon could be and they just kept on going!
Undaunted, Warner Bros. Pictures bought the series and turned out six more “Dead End” movies, with titles like “Angels With Dirty Faces,” and stars like Pat O’Brien and Jimmy Cagney interacting with The Dead End Kids. One of the last films in the series was “Angels Wash their Faces,” starring the up-and-coming Ronald Reagan. Once again, Gorcey, Hall, and company trashed another sound stage and their run was soon over.
Universal, at the very same time, “borrowed” The Dead End Kids (minus Leo Gorcey) to make “The Little Tough Guys” series. It commences to get extremely confusing here since Universal also promoted “The Little Tough Guys” as “The Dead End Kids.”
They made approximately 12 films and three movie serials.
Again, in the middle of all of this (late 1930s to early ‘40s), Monogram Pictures “borrowed” The Dead End Kids to make their own no-budget series, which they called “The East Side Kids”—this version did include Gorcey and Hall and is the second most well-known series of films to baby-boomers. This is where Gorcey perfected his ringleader character, Muggs Mahony (often called Muggs McGinnis) and Huntz Hall developed his second-banana persona of “Glimpy”—the slow talking guy with the dorky hat. 22 East Side Kids films were produced.
OK, Back to our movie, but first this Schlock Cinema #101 POP QUIZ QUESTION—This is a hard one students, so you get extra credit if you can answer it. If not, well….Igor will deal with you.
Though this film was made in 1943, Gorcey, Hall and the gang were later (in 1946) signed to a very long term contract as “The Bowery Boys” with notorious producer Sam Katzman. Katzman is often called “The King of the B’s” and he made such films as “I Was A Teenage Frankenstein” and “I Was A Teenage Werewolf” (both made while the Bowery Boys films were still being made!).
“ IN 1966, PRODUCER KATZMAN, EAGER TO EXPLOIT THE RECENT BRITISH INVASION MUSICAL TREND, MADE A FILM CALLED “HOLD ON,” STARRING HERMANS’ HERMITS. KATZMAN HAD ALREADY DIRECTED ELVIS (WHO WAS FADING PRETTY FAST AND WOULDN’T REALLY BE HAPPENING AGAIN UNTIL HIS AMAZING 1968 COMEBACK) IN WHAT MANY PEOPLE CALL THE WORST ELVIS MOVIE, “HARUM SCARUM,” IN 1965.”
UNDAUNTED, KATZMAN GRABBED ANOTHER ‘50S/EARLY ‘60S ROCK’N’ROLL STAR (WHO WAS ACTUALLY, AT ONE TIME, ON THE RECORD LABEL WHERE ELVIS STARTED) TO MAKE A 1967 “ROCK’N’ROLL WESTERN.” WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE MOVIE AND WHAT ROCKER STARRED IN IT?
FOR EXTRA CREDIT, A ‘60S ROCKER HAS A BIT PART AS A TRAIN GUARD IN THE MOVIE. CAN YOU NAME HIM?
HE WORE A TURBAN.
NOW BACK TO OUR MOVIE!
BREAK #2
Here’s the answer to our first quiz question:
(THE FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE, 1967, STAR: ROY ORBISON
AND SAM “THE SHAM” ZAMUDIO)
Wow! Muggs’ mom, Mrs. McGinnis!!! How Irish can you get?
Students, I was raised in a Catholic household in the 1950s and I knew quite a few Mrs. McGinnisses, let me tell you! She looks like she could give the entire East Side Gang cauliflower ears, kick ‘em in the pants, and then have a good breakfast! But even Mrs. M isn’t ready for the trouble that’s coming!
Here’s some more info:
Two of The East Side Kids movies starred Bela Lugosi, usually as a German spy or a would-be vampire. Many actors who worked with Gorcey, Hall, Dell and the boys found them to be difficult, but the aging East European horror star and the gang actually liked each other, and there are many photos of Lugosi and The East Kids just horsing around on the set.
The East Side Kids movies (most made during W W II) were very patriotic, and in real life, many of them were drafted.
Then in 1946, producer Sam Katzman regrouped the boys and made 48 films with them, as “The Bowery Boys.” These films started in 1946 and ended in 1958. That’s about 4 films per year!
Most of The Bowery Boys films featured a standard, usually trite and stereotyped, plot about some conflict between loudmouthed , braggadocio Muggs (Gorcey) and his loyal, but chuckleheaded, stooge, Glimpy (Hall) usually based on a misunderstood action or misheard comment. And remember, most of the Bowery Boys (still playing teenagers from the N.Y. slums) were now in their early ‘30s! 48 Bowery Boys movies were released (with Leo Gorcey dropping out after the 41st film).
OK, HERE’S OUR SECOND POP QUIZ QUESTION. PENCIL AND PAPER READY? LET’S STICK WITH OUR MUSICAL THEME. SAM KATZMAN WAS INTO COMEDY/ROCK’N’ROLL WESTERNS. IN 1962, HE MADE “THE WILD WESTERNERS!” AND IT STARRED TWO ROCK’N’ROLLERS. ONE WAS A FORMER ‘50S BIG BAND SINGER WHO HAD A HIT OF “SINGING THE BLUES” AND THE OTHER WAS AN INSTRUMENTAL GUITAR PLAYER, WHO CAME BACK IN THE 1980’S DOING A VERSION OF THE DRAGNET THEME FOR THE MOVIE OF THE SAME NAME. READY, GO! And now back to our movie!
MOVIE ENDS
Was that a wonderful example of classic American film-making or what? Hey, who got an answer for our 2nd Pop Quiz question?
It was a hard one. THE WILD WESTERNERS (prod. By Sam Katzman in 1962) starred Guy Mitchell and Duane Eddy!
All together, the original “Dead End Kids” (with pretty much the same repertory cast) made 92 features over a 30 year period. Wow! And I thought some of the films I made in the late 1980s were shot quickly!
Gabe Dell, who plays the vicious racketeer that won’t let the rich kid out of the rackets, was an original Dead End Kid from the first movie and was an East Side Kid as well as a Bowery Boy, but in every film, he’s never actually “one of the guys.” He’s always a bellboy who helps them, or a bad guy who harasses them (as in this film), or a store clerk who gives them food. He’s sort of an appendage of the East Side Kids without ever being one of them.
That has to bite—to almost, but never quite, be an East Side Kid!
But hey life has its hills and valleys for all of us!
“THE MILLION DOLLAR KID”
PROF FRED’S MOVIE MARVELS,
SCCTV, 1-3-08
Hey students, auditors, and just plain fans of the weird, arcane and obscure in that cinematic ultra cheap carnival grab-bag known as “B-Movies!” It is I, Prof. Fred Hopkins, your teacher (“maestro” in Spanish; “professeur” in French) for Schlock Cinema 101! For today’s class, we have that rarest and most precious of all things---A good “East Side Kids” movie!
Yes, you heard me right. “Million Dollar Kid,” made in 1944, by the infamous Monogram Studios, and starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall, is entertaining, well-directed, smartly acted and has bountiful production values---NOT!!!!!! Did you really think we’d show a “good” movie for our Schlock Cinema 101 class? You know me too well.
But the film does have a certain primitive, almost-no-budget enthusiasm that literally carries it into the pantheon of so-awful-it’s-wonderful.
An added bonus is that most of the East Side Kids had not yet become grandfathers at the time this was made! With Gorcey being 21 and Hall being somewhere around that age. Of course, they were supposed to be playing 11-12 year-olds, but no one gave a rip back then, so why should we question it now?
OK, let’s do a quick history review. Everyone who was watching TV in the 1950’s and 1960’s remembers the East Side Kids (a/k/a The Dead End Kids a/k/a The Bowery Boys). There are no exceptions, because these totally cheap, throw-away, Grade Z, 65 minute movies were the absolute staple of Saturday afternoon programming on every TV set in America.
A typical baby-boomer, boob-tube zombie would start the early afternoon with an old Tarzan movie; then view an unreleased Italian Sword-and Sandal movie (usually dubbed “The Sons of Hercules” even though none of the characters were called Hercules or bore the slightest relation to the Hercules myth); and then his or her local channel would finish the late afternoon with an East Side Kids comedy, starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall (usually named Mugs and Slip in the films).
America was a simpler place back then---no drugs, no crime, no graffiti—just Tarzan, Hercules and The Bowery Boys—then go to McDonalds for a 14 cent hamburger and 10 cent shake, go to a go-cart track or a trampoline park and drive or bounce for an hour for 60 cents, and go home. It has never really gotten any better than that.
OK, in the 1950s and 1960s, American television was faced with a shortage of material to broadcast. Hollywood simply could not film enough “stuff” to fill that little one-eyed screen from 6AM (right after the “Farm Report”—remember we were an agrarian country back then) to 12 midnight, when broadcasting ended for the day.
So, someone came up with the brilliant idea of broadcasting old, funky, cheap “B” movie series, whose rights could be purchased for almost nothing, and showing them at the same time every Saturday to little babyboomers who didn’t realize that the films were almost 25 years old. Guess what, it worked!
God bless America, because these movies attracted a crowd of kids who spent every Saturday afternoon watching these “East Side Kids” movies and who actually liked them!
Here’s where we’re going with Kid Millions. Mugs and Slip and the boys help foil a mugging of this rich guy and get his wallet back, but the local police captain, using poverty profiling, thinks The Dead End Kids are in on it. The Rich Guy gets them off and brings them to his mansion where he gives them free reign and use of his gigantic in-house gymnasium! Mugs then meets the rich guy’s daughter, who’s dating a sleazy French guy, and here comes trouble!!!
Enough boring cinematic history and enough of Prof. Fred’s “leaky” and “highly selective” nostalgia for the pseudo-good-old-days! Let’s start our Schlock Cinema 101 classroom presentation of The East Side Kids in “Kid Millions,” from 1944, starring Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall! START MOVIE
#1 BREAK
Hey, I hate to break in on this exciting and wondrous cinematic masterpiece, but that’s what they pay me for! And you can bet I’m gonna keep on doing it, students!
Wow, Louise! What a babe---‘40s style! Muggs is in love! And he and the boys have just been given their own private basement gymnasium. Does it really ever get any better than that? But, watch out, because trouble is definitely brewing!
How about a little more gratuitous information about the history of our heroes, The East Side Kids?
OK, The East Side Kids originally started in 1937 when Metro Goldwyn Mayer decided to make a film adapted from “Dead End,” a popular and gritty Broadway play about young urchins growing up in the streets of New York. The movie starred Joel McCrae, Sylvia Sydney, and Humphrey Bogart. For the other roles, the actors from the play were hired, and this included Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, Bobby Jordan and Gabe Del, who had played the tough, scruffy young slum kids.
These young actors were then imported to Hollywood to star in the movie, which was a smash. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only smash. At the end of filming, Gorcey (who had been a 21-year-old plumber’s assistant before turning actor), Hall and the other “boys” (now in their mid- ‘20s) got a little excited—a little bit frisky-- and trashed an entire studio, ruining an expensive sound stage.
The Dead End Kids (as they were then called) were promptly fired from MGM—and never worked for the studio again. Ooooooh, that’s what I call an extremely bad start for these actors’ careers (even by Prof Fred standards, and those are awfully low), but they were as Teflon as Teflon could be and they just kept on going!
Undaunted, Warner Bros. Pictures bought the series and turned out six more “Dead End” movies, with titles like “Angels With Dirty Faces,” and stars like Pat O’Brien and Jimmy Cagney interacting with The Dead End Kids. One of the last films in the series was “Angels Wash their Faces,” starring the up-and-coming Ronald Reagan. Once again, Gorcey, Hall, and company trashed another sound stage and their run was soon over.
Universal, at the very same time, “borrowed” The Dead End Kids (minus Leo Gorcey) to make “The Little Tough Guys” series. It commences to get extremely confusing here since Universal also promoted “The Little Tough Guys” as “The Dead End Kids.”
They made approximately 12 films and three movie serials.
Again, in the middle of all of this (late 1930s to early ‘40s), Monogram Pictures “borrowed” The Dead End Kids to make their own no-budget series, which they called “The East Side Kids”—this version did include Gorcey and Hall and is the second most well-known series of films to baby-boomers. This is where Gorcey perfected his ringleader character, Muggs Mahony (often called Muggs McGinnis) and Huntz Hall developed his second-banana persona of “Glimpy”—the slow talking guy with the dorky hat. 22 East Side Kids films were produced.
OK, Back to our movie, but first this Schlock Cinema #101 POP QUIZ QUESTION—This is a hard one students, so you get extra credit if you can answer it. If not, well….Igor will deal with you.
Though this film was made in 1943, Gorcey, Hall and the gang were later (in 1946) signed to a very long term contract as “The Bowery Boys” with notorious producer Sam Katzman. Katzman is often called “The King of the B’s” and he made such films as “I Was A Teenage Frankenstein” and “I Was A Teenage Werewolf” (both made while the Bowery Boys films were still being made!).
“ IN 1966, PRODUCER KATZMAN, EAGER TO EXPLOIT THE RECENT BRITISH INVASION MUSICAL TREND, MADE A FILM CALLED “HOLD ON,” STARRING HERMANS’ HERMITS. KATZMAN HAD ALREADY DIRECTED ELVIS (WHO WAS FADING PRETTY FAST AND WOULDN’T REALLY BE HAPPENING AGAIN UNTIL HIS AMAZING 1968 COMEBACK) IN WHAT MANY PEOPLE CALL THE WORST ELVIS MOVIE, “HARUM SCARUM,” IN 1965.”
UNDAUNTED, KATZMAN GRABBED ANOTHER ‘50S/EARLY ‘60S ROCK’N’ROLL STAR (WHO WAS ACTUALLY, AT ONE TIME, ON THE RECORD LABEL WHERE ELVIS STARTED) TO MAKE A 1967 “ROCK’N’ROLL WESTERN.” WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE MOVIE AND WHAT ROCKER STARRED IN IT?
FOR EXTRA CREDIT, A ‘60S ROCKER HAS A BIT PART AS A TRAIN GUARD IN THE MOVIE. CAN YOU NAME HIM?
HE WORE A TURBAN.
NOW BACK TO OUR MOVIE!
BREAK #2
Here’s the answer to our first quiz question:
(THE FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE, 1967, STAR: ROY ORBISON
AND SAM “THE SHAM” ZAMUDIO)
Wow! Muggs’ mom, Mrs. McGinnis!!! How Irish can you get?
Students, I was raised in a Catholic household in the 1950s and I knew quite a few Mrs. McGinnisses, let me tell you! She looks like she could give the entire East Side Gang cauliflower ears, kick ‘em in the pants, and then have a good breakfast! But even Mrs. M isn’t ready for the trouble that’s coming!
Here’s some more info:
Two of The East Side Kids movies starred Bela Lugosi, usually as a German spy or a would-be vampire. Many actors who worked with Gorcey, Hall, Dell and the boys found them to be difficult, but the aging East European horror star and the gang actually liked each other, and there are many photos of Lugosi and The East Kids just horsing around on the set.
The East Side Kids movies (most made during W W II) were very patriotic, and in real life, many of them were drafted.
Then in 1946, producer Sam Katzman regrouped the boys and made 48 films with them, as “The Bowery Boys.” These films started in 1946 and ended in 1958. That’s about 4 films per year!
Most of The Bowery Boys films featured a standard, usually trite and stereotyped, plot about some conflict between loudmouthed , braggadocio Muggs (Gorcey) and his loyal, but chuckleheaded, stooge, Glimpy (Hall) usually based on a misunderstood action or misheard comment. And remember, most of the Bowery Boys (still playing teenagers from the N.Y. slums) were now in their early ‘30s! 48 Bowery Boys movies were released (with Leo Gorcey dropping out after the 41st film).
OK, HERE’S OUR SECOND POP QUIZ QUESTION. PENCIL AND PAPER READY? LET’S STICK WITH OUR MUSICAL THEME. SAM KATZMAN WAS INTO COMEDY/ROCK’N’ROLL WESTERNS. IN 1962, HE MADE “THE WILD WESTERNERS!” AND IT STARRED TWO ROCK’N’ROLLERS. ONE WAS A FORMER ‘50S BIG BAND SINGER WHO HAD A HIT OF “SINGING THE BLUES” AND THE OTHER WAS AN INSTRUMENTAL GUITAR PLAYER, WHO CAME BACK IN THE 1980’S DOING A VERSION OF THE DRAGNET THEME FOR THE MOVIE OF THE SAME NAME. READY, GO! And now back to our movie!
MOVIE ENDS
Was that a wonderful example of classic American film-making or what? Hey, who got an answer for our 2nd Pop Quiz question?
It was a hard one. THE WILD WESTERNERS (prod. By Sam Katzman in 1962) starred Guy Mitchell and Duane Eddy!
All together, the original “Dead End Kids” (with pretty much the same repertory cast) made 92 features over a 30 year period. Wow! And I thought some of the films I made in the late 1980s were shot quickly!
Gabe Dell, who plays the vicious racketeer that won’t let the rich kid out of the rackets, was an original Dead End Kid from the first movie and was an East Side Kid as well as a Bowery Boy, but in every film, he’s never actually “one of the guys.” He’s always a bellboy who helps them, or a bad guy who harasses them (as in this film), or a store clerk who gives them food. He’s sort of an appendage of the East Side Kids without ever being one of them.
That has to bite—to almost, but never quite, be an East Side Kid!
But hey life has its hills and valleys for all of us!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Monster Bells!
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)
(new words by Prof. Fred Hopkins)
Monster bells, Monster bells
Piercing through the night!
Igor’s having so much fun,
Giving everyone a fright!
Monster bells, Monster bells,
I think we’d better stop.
The Wolfman’s shedding all over the place,
And Dracula just bit a cop!
Bridge:
Riding with the monsters,
No one’s getting cold.
The mummy’s getting tired,
But he is 3,000 years old!
Frankenstein’s monster’s feeling grand
He’s got a bride with lots of vim.
But we can’t find The Invisible Man,
‘Cause no one can see him!
Repeat Verses 1 & 2
(new words by Prof. Fred Hopkins)
Monster bells, Monster bells
Piercing through the night!
Igor’s having so much fun,
Giving everyone a fright!
Monster bells, Monster bells,
I think we’d better stop.
The Wolfman’s shedding all over the place,
And Dracula just bit a cop!
Bridge:
Riding with the monsters,
No one’s getting cold.
The mummy’s getting tired,
But he is 3,000 years old!
Frankenstein’s monster’s feeling grand
He’s got a bride with lots of vim.
But we can’t find The Invisible Man,
‘Cause no one can see him!
Repeat Verses 1 & 2
Saturday, December 15, 2007
BABY TAKE A A BOW!
Shirley Temple’s starring “debut” is pretty good, but it’s in the same bag as Elvis’ first movie. BOTH ELVIS AND SHIRLEY were the names above the titles in their first starring movies, but neither has much more than a bit part in either film.
Elvis has little to do other than warble Love Me Tender and a few other extremely moderate rockabilly tunes and one cool gospel (“We’re Gonna Move!”) and is a ghost for the second half of the film.
Shirley basically just runs around and mouths a few lines and looks cute and pouts while James Dunn and Thelma what’s-her-name do all the work and are in most of the scenes. It’s basically a ‘30s crime drama, w/Shirley thrown in almost as an afterthought.
Plot has James Dunn as an ex-con who has made good after his stretch at Sing Sing. He’s married his long-time sweetheart and they now have a beautiful daughter, Shirley Temple. Trouble is Dunn’s a chauffer for a rich guy whose wife’s pearl’s get robbed and a hostile, frumpy, pompous, colicky old insurance investigator with extremely bad breath wants to pin the crime on him. Dunn and Shirley sing and hoof their way through a few uplifiting songs, but basically this is a pretty straight and somewhat grim depression-era crime film about the difficulties of going straight after paying your debt to society. It’s definitely not Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm!
None the less, it’s a wonderful film, though it lacks the Shirley Temple formula/trademark scenes of all of her subsequent pictures (no speech by Shirley to her downtrodden mom; adopted mom; father; stepfather; benefactor; grandmother; grandfather; etc. about how she/he should put a smile on ‘cuz things are gonna get better!).
Baby also contains some pretty disturbing scenes with the bad ex-con “Shooter” abducting Temple and using her as a human shield while the cops are shooting at him—not exactly a trip on the good ship, Lollipop. Very fast-paced socially-conscious drama which probably doesn’t deliver to later generation Shirley Temple fans, but everybody has to start somewhere.
Elvis has little to do other than warble Love Me Tender and a few other extremely moderate rockabilly tunes and one cool gospel (“We’re Gonna Move!”) and is a ghost for the second half of the film.
Shirley basically just runs around and mouths a few lines and looks cute and pouts while James Dunn and Thelma what’s-her-name do all the work and are in most of the scenes. It’s basically a ‘30s crime drama, w/Shirley thrown in almost as an afterthought.
Plot has James Dunn as an ex-con who has made good after his stretch at Sing Sing. He’s married his long-time sweetheart and they now have a beautiful daughter, Shirley Temple. Trouble is Dunn’s a chauffer for a rich guy whose wife’s pearl’s get robbed and a hostile, frumpy, pompous, colicky old insurance investigator with extremely bad breath wants to pin the crime on him. Dunn and Shirley sing and hoof their way through a few uplifiting songs, but basically this is a pretty straight and somewhat grim depression-era crime film about the difficulties of going straight after paying your debt to society. It’s definitely not Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm!
None the less, it’s a wonderful film, though it lacks the Shirley Temple formula/trademark scenes of all of her subsequent pictures (no speech by Shirley to her downtrodden mom; adopted mom; father; stepfather; benefactor; grandmother; grandfather; etc. about how she/he should put a smile on ‘cuz things are gonna get better!).
Baby also contains some pretty disturbing scenes with the bad ex-con “Shooter” abducting Temple and using her as a human shield while the cops are shooting at him—not exactly a trip on the good ship, Lollipop. Very fast-paced socially-conscious drama which probably doesn’t deliver to later generation Shirley Temple fans, but everybody has to start somewhere.
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